my boyfriend hangs out with his friends every weekend

However, my husband isnt like that at all. or just dinner? Actions speak louder than words. I think if you get more activities, and meet more people, you will care less about the time he spends with his friends? My family lives a 45 mins train ride out of Grand Central (not including hopping a cab or the subway to get to GCT- and then the ride to their place once we get off the train) and if I made my boyfriend go with me once a week to see them he would be less than thrilled. As in if you don't have kids with him, do NOT bring one into the situation. Stop going to the burbs with him all the time. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. Talk to your boyfriend, tell him what you told us. If he loves you, he should trust you with whoever you're with. So we spend 2-3 nights together. What should I do? Now that they are obviously not, it is definitely time for some conversation. Saturday night is date night you are willing to sacrifice one date night a month to see his parents but thats it. Easily worked out and if not, then you probably have bigger issues than the garbage. Any partner of mine will likely have to be the same for us to get along. Answer to your question #2 (how much time is enough): I look at it like a combo meal. Yeah I dont understand what is weird about just talking about it. and second, maybe have a date night once a weekend or something like that, where you dont have the stress of work/school to think about for the next day. But she doesnt seem to mind it. All rights reserved. Also, what kind of time do you spend together as a default? To use my own example, my mom lives alone, she is not the most sociable person, so I go and see her for a couple of hours almost every weekend, while my BF does his own thing, whatever that may be. If one or a few things are particularly very important to you, then those will most likely be discussed just because. And for the love of god, dont enforce some kind of we spend every weekend together no matter what, because its not compromising on your part and plus when you live together that sh*t gets old QUICK. So the first thing to start with is a bit of self-reflection and introspection. Theyre lovely people, but I cant seem to get my boyfriend to understand that I dont want to spend weekend nights at their place more often than maybe once a month, even if we dont have anything else planned. While my family lives in a different state, he lives with his folks at home. But I dont automatically think that they have some huge communication problem because of this one issue. im kind of confused. This thread is archived LW, how about writing back with the details? January 20, 2012, 9:44 am, So this is what you need to do LW. I have friends who are engaged and live together. Whoopsie. Accepting Her Role. January 20, 2012, 9:38 am. Sometimes he comes with me (although he is absolutely not obligated to do so), sometimes he goes shopping for things that he knows I have no interest in, sometimes he just sleeps and veggies out on the couch, or goes to the gym.. Thats a long ass time at home, no? Does that make sense? Archived post. I feel like the third wheel sometimes and that I'm dating my boyfriend + Tom. Is this normal? Like, it didnt even cross their mind to get out. Its not annoying for either one of them, because they have both communicated that its something they like to do. So my fiance and I are now (I'm guessing) a couple years older than you guys, and moved in together a few months after we graduated from college. He is causing me a lot of tears and heartache and I am so tired of it. I know when my husband and I finally started living together, we would see both our parents every weekend along with going to the laundry mat and grocery shopping. You are still in the early days of this relationship so make sure you are upfront with your expectations. The pursuer (usually the guy, but not always) realizes that he has gotten the person he wanted, and stops feeling the need to woo herie frequent well-thought-out dates, sweet romantic gestures in the middle of the day, unprompted soliloquizing on how much you mean to him, etc. I have tried everything from yelling, getting angry and threatening divorce. Maybe a couple times a week for dinner. Starting to get annoyed that friend is always there, and boyfriend is getting upset at this causing us to fight more. We currently live together, and lately i've been feeling as if he doesn't want to be with me anymore. And that commute can be a PAIN IN THE ASS. Is it because the LWs own lease was up? 10 tips to turn things around 1) How much time is he spending with friends? Most times I hang out with my boyfriend and Tom, but I'm starting to get tired of it because all we do is eat and watch TV. Makes no time for me. Hes going to choose you. It seems like this is something that would be pretty easy to compromise on. All Im saying is be careful. Listen and dont judge when he tells you why he likes going to his parents and respect his opinion on that. He can do whatever he wants the rest of the time, and frankly, when he stays at home too often, I end up being the one shooing him off to go play with his friends, so I can have some time for myself. You dont need to spend every weekend or every day with your boyfriend. Communication people. It doesnt scream big problem to me. Its sad that we put our heads in the sand, but who wants to really start over, by themselves, when your husband or wife of however many years has been cheating on you. Be honest. There is a very natural way to spark further conversation on this topic and perhaps get beyond the impasse. You arent happy and yet you stay. Its different having lunch with your parents or spending a couple hours with them every weekend. are they spending every minute of their entire weekend with his family? Like I said in my comment above, I was determined to pay 50% of everything when I moved in with my now husband, but it just wasnt feasible, so we had to work out what worked for us, and I think it wouldve been better and saved me a lot of worry if we had done so beforehand. And actually what I am promoting is having a casual conversation about things that are important to you to find out where both of you stand. Maybe something is up with his family? They go to the bars and drink and my husband shows up home past 2:30am. Im 99% sure hell be fine with this, unless theres something going on with his family that you dont know about. Next time he says to go to his parents for the w/end, tell hime youd rather do x or y. I agree with the expenses. If you are a big saver or spender, its likely your SO will just know that about you and the first time it comes up as an issue, you work it out. i think you are more direct than a lot of people and maybe more communicative. The thing is, whether or not his behavior is weird is irrelevant. He will leave at 8am to go to his friends house, and after to another! When it comes to him tho, however, it seems like you're fine with him hanging out with a girl. You think that your fiance being a "complete people pleaser" is the reason that he feels guilty about not spending more time with his friends, but it's also probably the reason that he tolerates your restrictions on his autonomy and desires. That is not the way that I would ever want it to be. We currently live together, and lately ive been feeling as if he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Id ask if he plans on making that a routinemaybe one of his parents is sick and he hasnt told her? My husband and I are very much like you all except reversed. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Same goes for his family out in Queens. I agree something seems off here, because they have lived together ALMOST THREE weeks, and go to his parents house NEARLY every weekend, but only since they have lived together. Yeah.. Perhaps he's neglected his friendships since he's been in a relationship with you. I really like going on dates and spending time with just you on Saturday and exploring the city. I am very unhappy in this marriage and I am really planning to get a divorce. But the way you spend your money, in my opinion, shouldnt change. It isn't "drifting apart" if he is changing his friendships at your direction. My husband goes out with his buddies almost every week. You did the right thing by taking a firm stand. You've already talked to your boyfriend about your feelings and he doesn't think he's doing anything "weird.". That is not the way that I would ever want it to be. we've developed independently strong relationships with each other's friends - which is pretty awesome. They were dating, they were both happy, so I think they both assumed that thinks will be the same once they move in together. You mention what you used to do when your were single. TL;DR he never wants to go out or hang out with me but will be with his friends all day. Like hey I can afford around this much, SO says I can afford a little more, so how about I pay a little more of the rent every month so we can get a nicer place? Sometimes I think that theres something that happens around the 3-6 month mark in most relationships. I don't know why I'm so surprised at the reactions since everyone here loves open relationships and is never ever jealous, butthat's not MY experience in MY life, and I sound a lot more like you so I'll weigh in! I just truly think this stuff is common sense, which is why it is so baffling to me. 1. The fact is that this relationship is still very new, and even though it has only been two or three weeks of her spending time with his family, if she doesnt want it to continue that way then she needs to put a stop to it as soon as possible. Ive been dealing with it a little bit lately, and this letter sounded kind of similar. and yea, pretty much every single sunday. My boyfriend goes to his mom and dads every weekend doesnt think me or my children with him he used to text me all the time and call me he doesnt do that anymore weve been together 3 years and there any place he ever takes me is to the grocery store and back home and he doesnt even hardly touch or kiss or anything anymore I tell him I love him all the time hell tell me back but I feel that he just tells me because he doesnt want it to hurt me. To all of you telling her to either go with him or shut up: Does THAT look like she's really welcome on these events? You dont want to talk about important issues with a SO so that you can pretend moving in together is a great idea because you dont know any better because you have SPECIFICALLY chosen not to know about better? Those conversations should have happened before. So say to your boyfriend: I dont want to spend weekend nights at [your parents] place more often than maybe once a month, even if we dont have anything else planned. How is this difficult? Not making excuses for him, just saying. Ugh and when girls believe their boyfriends that clearly just dont want the bang train to leave over other people it drives me crazy. But I dont think giving him an ultimatum me or them is the best way to try to improve the situation. No one I know can read minds, I have no idea why LW thinks her boyfriend can. But whatever you do, LW, dont make this some kind of Choose them or me test. Hm well my datapoint is that my husband and I probably are separate about 3-4 nights a week, each visiting different friends, or going dancing with friends or spending alone time. In short, you havent had time to even get to the point where your differences might start to come to lightand then become dealbreakers. Best thing I ever did. He's not mature enough to have a family if he can't stick to your agreement. January 20, 2012, 9:27 am. Next time your boyfriend says we are going to my folks Saturday, sound good? Say this: Are we going spend every weekend at your parents from now on? I dont think the parents issue is as big of a deal as the not-communicating-about-money-very-well thing. i feel like hes avoiding being around me. If this has only been going on 3-6 weeks or so she might be just starting to feel the pinch, so it hasnt really come up before this. i tried to be supportive when they broke up but i wanted to throw a party. It's pretty apparent that you don't like his friends very much and they probably get that vibe too. Your fianc should not be your only social contact. if you dont want there to be issues. It can still have a lot of randomness to it, but be bookended by specific activities. 1 Occasional Back Seat If he prefers to be with his friends occasionally, then it most likely means that he simply needs some time to hang out with his friends. Maybe he doesnt understand this because YOU SPEND EVERY WEEKEND WITH HIS PARENTS. January 20, 2012, 10:53 am. I am very unhappy in this marriage and I am really planning to get a divorce. What I dont agree with, personally, is doing it interrogation style. This was his roommate in college, and I understand how they are used to hanging out every day. You don't seem to have your own friends. I didn't think Tom would drive up 30 minutes every day to see my boyfriend, but he does. It will help you become more independent, less reliant on him for your social activities, and hopefully curtail that controlling streak you're beginning to exhibit in the relationship. What matters is how his behavior and . The LW may be overreacting. Yes it is a ridiculous answer. Maybe he feels that since he sees the gf all week now, he should spend weekends with his family. But is it normal for friends to hangout every day? It sounds like you and your bf just have different thoughts about how often to see family, and you need to talk it out and come to a compromise. Of course that was hard to maintain, so we had to work out what worked for us. Download this online communications tracker tool right now. you still have some kinks to work out and a lot to learn about eachother! He wants to keep his options open (or is already actively exploring them), he just doesn't want to tell you. All posts copyright their original authors. Do you ever say hey, I dont want to go, so Im going to stay home this time around, or do you keep your mouth shut with a smile firmly planted on it, rictus and all? I cant imagine that life! 3 months was all I can take of him saying he'd be home early but not coming back until 2am, 3am or even the next day. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. how do we divide furniture? 5) He enjoys the vibe. And the truth is that the two are often not the same. Agreed. And after 4 months, youre likely just coming out of the Honeymoon Phase. You havent had sufficient time to learn these little things youre just starting to learn. . Boyfriend Female Friends Boundaries. He always tells me he will be home early before 12:00am but that never happens. Im not saying get all this stuff figured out in one convo, im saying by the time you move in together you should know most of these things about the other person and you should fill in the blanks on ALL of them moving in together. If so, it might have been difficult for him to adjust to staying home each weekend. He's rarely interested in hanging out when sex isn't on the table. The expectation that you spend every single one of your weekends not only together but alone as a baseline is pretty unreasonable. I know I had to tell my husband he still had to date me and it was news to him! She simply says I cant seem to get my boyfriend to understand that I dont want to spend weekend nights at their place more often than maybe once a month and she neglects to follow it up with what his response was or his objections were when she told him how she felt. I think that this is truly for the better, for both of us. That's called marriage. This boyfriend seems like one of those people whose default is go home. I bet when he lived at home he barely left the house. Because we spent that time communicating (and other stuff, but you dont need to know) it worked perfectly for us. Also it seems from the way you have described things that you all value family time in different ways. One of the most prominent of them is jealousy. See, thats whats weird, I have never been told im a direct person. My boyfriend (23) and myself (24) have been together for almost a year. for example, before moving in if you dont have a conversation about how bills are paid, do you just assume that one of you will pay certain ones. Even if your boyfriend has reassured you over and over again that. Maybe the new place would start to feel more like home. My parents live far too and it sucks that I cant drop in on them from time to time, that I have to plan a whole vacation just to see them and cram a lot into one tiny weekend. NOt exactly like you put it, but yes I believe there are certain things (finances mostly) that def have to be discussed prior to moving in with your SO. I wouldnt worry about ityet. Starting over! My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot recently because I'm getting more annoyed whenever Tom is there, and my boyfriend gets defensive because to him it is normal for him to hangout with his friend every day. I feel like hanging out with another couple or a group of friends would be different. But seriously, moving in with a guy after dating him for three months? Theres a LOT more to this story than meets the eye, and I suspect that the LW and her boyfriend are very different people with very different priorities, and who have both been blinded to these differences by the hot glow of lurve. [1] .

Uc Davis Student Community Center, Why Is My Uk Pension Late This Month 2023, The Manicouagan Reservoir Near Quebec Is An Example Of, Idaho Building Permits, Colonel E H Taylor Bourbon, Articles M