my mom loves me but doesn t like me

Wife. When your parents behavior or treatment is unhealthy, its time to take a step back and assess. Not every toxic mother is a mother incapable of love. Parents aren't perfect, but there's a difference between imperfect and unhealthy. Its possible to have a positive relationship with your mother even if she doesnt love you. Gutted. In curt phrases she told me she didnt like me very much, she didnt know if she loved me, but shed think about whether shed make it to my wedding. Communication is key to any kind of relationship. My father (a victom of an alcholic father and absent mother) is one of these people, and I am proud that my husband is also a super person. She is mean or cruel to you. "This may be a result of parents being too demanding and not accepting that a child is in the process of learning or parents that are absent not providing a level of reassurance or approval or outright sending messages of rejection to children. If you've never been told that your mother is proud of you, why would you believe she is now? I am an adventuress, and the star of my own life. Thank you for helping to define my relationship with her. She never wanted a child and has told me she doesn't like me and that I look just like my father, whom she hates. She hurts me, unintentionally. I grew up Roman Catholic and when I was baptized, my moms youngest brother was named as my godfather. Shes friendly, kind and people naturally gravitate toward her. I found out at my own graduation party when multiple people came up to me and told me they were calling me crazy and saying that the guy I liked needed to be saved. They were at my house, at my party, surrounded by people I considered friends, and talking loudly about how Im disgusting and need to get over myself. What I have found shocking is seeing numerous moms over the years who just dont care what happens to their children, children confronting juvenile detention, or even adult certification and prison. Constant worry that I will be like my parents to my daughter often wears me thin. Cookie Notice I asked him why, and he didnt appreciate my questioning of him. Now I have them to look up to. Comparatively, a lack of love can be shown in the same example where the toxicity is either pushed aside in lieu of the care and nurturing a mother should display or, in the least, at a diminished intensity. It could be caused by a personality disorder (like narcissism) or other mental illness. Why did my mom say she loves me but doesn't like me very much? Use these signs to assess your relationship, and then get help! Maybe I'm overreacting and she's saying this because she doesn't want me to be sexualized and she wants to protect me. If there was an argument or a fight and you believe your mum doesn't love you anymore, try to make the first move. We have the one word, "love," to describe a wide range of feelings in a relationship, so men may get confused about when they are in love. The article then gets reviewed by a more senior editorial member. In this guide, we will discuss What to do if your mum doesnt love you, some examples of people that have identified their mums do not love them and how they cope. It is crucial to know if your mother loves you because it affects your emotional well-being and your relationships with others. In some instances, rejected child syndrome occurs or is exacerbated because of an underlying issue in your parent. "They seek love, approval and acceptance from others, which may or may not be good influences on them.". You may even get punished for making decisions without consulting with her first. Lifestyle blogger. Sure, your mom will often have opinions about the things you do. If you feel unloved or neglected, it can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety. Many factors prompt people to talk across others. "Children who are rejected from their primary caregivers (typically parents) tend to display a level of insecurity and low self-esteem, which translates often into making poor choices," Healy explains to Romper. While this feeling of unworthiness certainly makes you feel like your mom doesn't care about what you have to say, it may make you feel like no one does. I'm in therapy working on it so this doesn't leave too big of a scar, but for now I will keep trying because she is my mother and I want her to like me, no matter how much it crushes me anytime she says no. Well, first of all, it is important to understand that there is nothing wrong with you and maybe your mother is just not capable of loving due to emotional conflicts or problems she could have been carrying for quite some time now and you are just the one having to deal with the consequences. Ive mentioned before that, like many people in a weary world, I grew up with some rough stuff. Your 29th birthday is a thing. I hope you can use these to identify the types of love you are receiving and, in turn, can use this to decide if efforts to address and mend relationship ties with your mother are practical. When a loving baby reaches out to an indifferent, detached, hostile, or contemptuous mother, the unrequited love that the baby experiences will instill a profound type of shame that lasts a . If you, like most people, share this conviction that mothers always love their children, author Peg Streep has news for you. The identification of a relationship devoid of love isnt worth trying to fix, whereas one with a lack of love can often find success once the toxicity is addressed. Thus, all my mother's friends (older women at my mosque) dont like me. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Youre worthy of love and support, and its okay to seek positive relationships and support from others. Not me. Archived post. The information on this site is for informational and educational purposes only. Identify narcissistic behaviors such as being self-centered, avoid accepting their responsibility or a sense of entitlement. Thank you so so much for posting this. So, good news. It turns out there are far more unloving mothers out there than you might have imagined. If your mum constantly ignores you or punishes you without reason, speaks badly of you or hits you then she ay not love you. If you have a healthy relationship with your mother, you probably often turn to her when you've had a bad day or are going through something painful. When a loving baby reaches out to an indifferent, detached, hostile, or contemptuous mother, the unrequited love that the baby experiences will instill a profound type of shame that lasts a lifetime. In my early twenties, I put a big chunk of physical distance between us and that has really helped. Learning to set boundaries and not allow parents to have that god-like hold over you is so hardits almost unfathomable at first. It may also lead to seeking out love and validation in unhealthy ways or accepting relationships that arent healthy or fulfilling. Privacy Policy. 1 ordinarynormalperson 9 mo. Why did my mom say she loves me but doesn't like me very much? Id been slowly adopted into their family already, and I realized one day with a start that her mom was a mom. Its completely normal to feel guilty or ashamed about not being loved by your mother. Thank you for be open, honest and candid, I appreciated that about your post. She says she loves me too. 6: Relapse. Operates on a legal minimum for underage children but otherwise more involved with themselves in their own lives and live as if you are, More concerned about your choices because of how they reflect badly on. Unwillingness to offer any advice at all when you seek it. Automatic grandparents rights arent a thing anywhere I know of! When I finally emailed him and asked him why he wouldnt return my calls, he promptly emailed me back a list of reasons why I was a bad daughter. Are you ready for more activities to build a rock-solid bond with your kids? The up side, I guess, is that my sister and I are really close as adults in a way that we definitely werent growing up. Your mom wasnt born with them. I hope we can both get there someday releasing that pain. But I wont have anyone there who doesnt love me and like me a whole lot.. I noticed this and wanted to fix it. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Informed choices are there for us to make every day. In other cases, rejected child syndrome can stem from an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy, gender favoritism, or simply feeling overwhelmed. we have a lot of issues with each other and she has really bad anger issues and depression. He might come back with "you're overthinking it.". Making little to no effort to tend to you physically or emotionally. You are worthy of love, and many people and resources exist to help you get to a place where you truly feel and believe that. It's hard when I have loved her all my life. The only person I open up to is my childhood best friend, but shes not like me. But you might need to consult a professional. Family doesnt mean blood relatives to me anymore. My younger sister does not talk to our mother and has a loving relationship with our father. Youre strong. While there are many different ways rejected child syndrome can manifest in adulthood, having the following thoughts about your mother can certainly be a symptom. My dad notices what snacks I like and always gets more. Because they, like us, have grown up in a culture pervaded by the myth that mothers always love their children, these daughters have spent their lives blaming themselves for being unlovable, making excuses for or rationalizing their mothers behavior, and going back again and again to the empty well, hoping to finally secure the love they needed but never got. Trying to learn what is actually healthy and whats not is a daily struggle. Thanks for sharing. The favoured other sibling, dreading calls from a parent. she loves me i know this but she seems to dislike a lot of things about me and does not want me around. Ideally, parents are meant to make us feel safe, loved, wanted and they are supposed to help us grow and develop but in reality, it doesnt happen in every single case. "Her Mom Loves Me, But She Does Not" For example, kids/young adults charged with DUI, not because they meet any standard of being intoxicated but because they have a de minimis amount of alcohol in their systems, are under 21, and are operating motor vehicles. (Sorry if formats weird, I don't have any experience with reddit and only made an account to post this.). She was equal parts martyr and creative. Scan this QR code to download the app now. I am from India so cutting her off is not a choice. I have many scars, visible and invisible, from the battlefields of his ire. Shes never said shes proud of me, not once in my life. I was a gifted child growing up, so she showered me occasionally with love because 'WE' were winning. I figured out, I might be her scapegoat. Its my fault as much as theirs. Then he said that he would respond to emails if I really wanted him to, but asked me to please not call him any more. It hurts, I know that because she is my mother she love me, but as a person she just doesn't like or dislike me. 2 days of "and the lord heard me - i have my answers" || nsppd || 6th july 2023 I didnt memorialise her in my recent wedding because she wouldnt have been invited if she were alive. I believe it's inherently a personality problem because I'm a damaged person. She says she loves me too. And even though I needed him, I was just one of the other girls he met until he found the right girl. Theyll talk or listen and help me work out what to do in tough situations, and whatever I decide, they support me. All rights reserved. Thank you really theres nothing more I can say. This takes a lot of love luckily, love is the one thing that does not become less when we share it. She made valiant efforts to give her children resources so that we could heal, but she also made huge mistakes that sabotaged those efforts and damaged us in new ways. My siblings take me on trips and are the most healthy relationship I have in my family. We went without, impoverished and hungry, and we shouldnt have. Suzie and Hannah - Best Blonde Bombshells. Reddit, Inc. 2023. A jubilee. She has apathy towards you and your future. Reading your story seriously reminded me of my husbands story. You may feel like your mom just doesnt love you anymore. She loved her daughter so much she didnt want her to experience financial stress but displayed a lack of love for her daughters future self in the respect that failure to learn ahead of time with the training wheels of adolescence would cause her more stress. When Id done some of the soul-searching required to recognize that my parents didnt just make mistakes, they were unhealthy, and that they didnt always have good intentions when I was ready to reach out for grown-ups I reached out to my godfather and his wife. However, many resources are available to help you move through it and move beyond it. I learned so much from him, but I also experienced incredibly damaging physical and emotional abuse. RELATED: How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend. If I show here something I did she doesn't just compliment it, she start with "don't nobody care about your little ugly/stupid project," and then say "no, it's really nice, good job.". I went back and forth for a decade my entire 20s trying to make a relationship with my own distanced mother before giving up and realizing shes had too much of her own damage all along to have ever been a mom in any sense of the term. But you shouldn't go talk to her in "attack" mode, this will make her respond in a deffensive way, and you'll end up arguing. Weve chosen not to invite anyone to our wedding who doesnt love us and like us a whole lot. Thank you for sharing your story. Amazing. And for maybe inching me closer to getting the negativity out of my life completely. I love my mom. Retrieved from quaora.com. . A Kentucky man was sentenced to more than six years in prison for trying to arrange the murder of a 14-year . . I experienced a lot of bullying there when I was younger and now I cant talk to people there without my anxiety getting the best of me. I know you may wonder, why not? Your mom wants to become your best (and only) friend but not because she really cares about what is going on with your life but to gain access and control over your life, friends, etc. Help! My mom doesn't like me. What do I do? , You also dont have to have kids for her sake. Neglect. Try to talk to a friend or someone you trust. I like to think i'm okay with it but in reality I just accept it and then cry about it when she turns me down again. Hyper Vigilance: They watch you closely to catch every instance where you make a mistake in an effort to reconfirm their control or on you is for your benefit to simply not fail. There are, of course, more that I could outline here; however, these are the most diverse and most common signs of the three major love types expressed by toxic mothers. I guess I just have that kind of personality. Plus, youll find me there! They have literally talked shit about since I was an eleven-year-old child, but at the same time, my mom continues to have these get-togethers with them. This is someone with extensive knowledge of the subject matter and highly cited published material. But Streep offers hope for recovery and detailed guidance for how to reclaim the life you might have lived with a loving mother. The powerless feeling you have feel absolute and terrifying, like it will never end or get better. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. There was a lot of sibling rivalry and dislike for each other. So, one night about three months in, I confronted her about it. This rang so true for me and its so helpful to hear others peoples stories around this. Thank you for writing this. She barely knows anything about me, if I asked her what my favorite color is she wouldn't have a clue and I don't think that bothers her. As a child and teenager, and my own mom often told me, I will always love you, but I don't always like you. Even at our low points, I have never doubted that she loves me (and I could always tell you what I did that caused any temporary dislike back then). Shes gone through a lot too and by no regards does she live an easy life, but thats only made her so much stronger. I mean in all facets of life. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Id considered this to be my closest and only group of friends so naturally, it made me uncomfortable. | For daughters whose mothers did not love them, this book will come as a tremendous relief. Yes, having a mother who doesnt love you can affect your future relationships. and our I can choose to build new patterns based on the healthy, well-intentioned grown-ups in my life. Do you feel like she cares more about how the house looks than how you are doing? Good friendships play a pivotal role in our well-being and our love life. Obviously, it hurt, and I told her to give it more time to see if we could jump-start and reboot the relationship. Most of them are kind to others and treat their friends well. This broke me so I had to let him go. I was absolutely floored. Even so, I didnt jump to conclusions. I gave everyone rides and always let them come over and eat my food. Maintaining and repairing relationships is an underrated skill, but so important. She never knew what I was going through so I can't blame her. I felt like I was reading my own story for a lot of this. Im not a bad person nor am I lazy or inconsiderate. I was a quiet, perfectly groomed little girl and people praised her to no end for being such a good parent. Trust me when I say you arent alone and you need to make the choices that keep you healthy, whatever those may be. My mother, ever eager to bemoan the lack of resources available to people in our position, slipped into a martyrdom where she turned away help from those who would have given us everything we could need. If there was an argument or a fight and you believe your mum doesnt love you anymore, try to make the first move. If you are not an only child, dont overthink your mom treating or preferring any of your other siblings. Cillian Murphy on Oppenheimer, sex scenes and self-doubt: 'I'm stubborn Assuming best intentions lets me strip away the venom of my anger about their actions. Ah-HA!! Remember that you have the power to decide who you surround yourself with and what relationships you want to cultivate. The holidays were soon after that, and he didnt return any of my phone calls. Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. she takes a lot of things out on me but now i can fight back. And then, guys fr respond Im down :/. in our free online community. She seems not to care about your feelings. One last desperate one: Alright fine ill just be sad then. My mother told me once that there are people who are super people, who are able to rise above their situation and become amazing. As parents, people make mistakes, too. I hope this changes when i move out. I hope I can find the courage to always surround myself with only the people I love that love and like me right back. Where do you look for a grown-up, especially if youre already supposed to be one, yourself? Your parents make you the focus of their stress. These are the lessons I have learned. Youre here because youre wondering how to tell if your mom doesnt love you. The best decision Ive made in my life was reaching out to the people who I trusted to be grown-ups. Answer (1 of 4): Please don't follow the advice to start telling her you love her. But I wont ever be able to trust anyone enough to have that happen. We stay in touch, but the pressure to be mother/daughter BFFs isnt there anymore. My family "loves" me but no one actually likes me. Ultimately, the change is within the person but can be also facilitated by healthy teachers and mentors on the path to wholeness.. I have had moms who have told the juvenile referees (judges) that they dont want to take custody of their child because they are going on a cruise or vacation with a new boyfriend. Ive had three 29th birthdays now, and I hope to have as many as my grandmother did. I had a different kind of childhood growing up, similar in many ways as far as the bad things go. Thats not an easy process, but if youre willing to reach out and take Streeps hand, she'll walk you through the stages, share her own experience on the same path, and cheer you along the way. Sometimes forgiveness and understanding dont keep our parents from continuing to hurt us and damage our growth. But once you explain to him honestly how you feel, this will give him room to talk to his mom. Id offered her a healthy relationship, but only confirmed that she didnt like me very much, and wasnt sure she loved me. Or "My mom loves everyone.". Hi Reddit, I have never posted on here before but i (23 f) wanted to talk about this. she often gives me this looks, idk what it is, jealousy, anger, disappointment, or what, but it doesn't feel or look . If youre wondering how to tell if your mom doesnt love you, here are 13 signs to look for. This can be done through attending classes, reading books, getting coached or receiving therapy, as examples. Nonchalant insults or put-downs with no practical or constructive advice to do or be better. They might still love me, but theyll never like me. and our Copyright 2023, parenting courses, consulting a parenting coach, You avoid expressing yourself to your mom, She openly rejects you in front of others, She has apathy towards you and your future, Your mom constantly chooses your sibling over you, She neglects your physical and emotional needs, You feel that nothing you do is good enough. However, our own thought patterns can tell us a lot and if you have these thoughts about your mom, you may suffer from what some therapists called rejected child syndrome. I am getting married in April and can honestly say that I feel such a sense of relief that my parents will not be there, despite others trying to incite guilt in me (I realise that they are coming from their own place of guilt). Its quite a lot of stuff to go through. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I know I went on and on about how various people have wronged me but the thing is, most of them arent bad people. For more information, please see our Sometimes estrangement is the only healthy option. Hey, I am a work in progress, so I am happy to report that I am in the first step of the process, acknowledgement and I am striving NOT to create the same patterns for my children. When I was 11, she left him and so did we (the children), but she didnt save us, we saved her, as we grew into teenagers and adulthood, she became helpless, we were pawns, we cooked, cleaned, worked and paid bills, I remember being in high school and responsible for turning the electric back on, or moving out on my own, when I started my own family, and having to pay a large debt on a phone bill that I never had, and when I needed her, she used me, it was her own form of abuse, that made me feel like, she just didnt like me much. I don't come to her with emotional issues. By reconciling, you relieve the agony of withdrawal, at least temporarily. This is so spot on to my childhood, and attempt at adulthood, that I feel incredibly vulnerable and naked reading it. Recognizing that even in the face of assuming best intentions, there can be bad intentions is another turning point. Lets see what Lynne Joyce says in Quora.com about how she coped with this situation: I grieved for the mother that I should have had, accepted the womb donor that I actually had, and emotionally detached from her. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. She treated me like trash. Maybe shes not affectionate, gives mixed signals, or just has a general lack of interest in how things are going with your life? My mothers attempts to make resources available so I could heal from that abuse was a genuine attempt to help me heal and apologize for allowing the abuse to happen. I can't even walk around the house without thinking about the disgusting looks she gives when she sees my body. I just don't think I'm likable enough for anyone to genuinely care about me and so I'm kind of just meant to be alone. Subsequently, you could try to be the perfect son or daughter, act as she expects you to, and still, things wouldnt change so make sure you dont hold on to the idea she will change and you expect her to do so. Sometimes people can say hurtful things without even thinking about the pain it can cause and they are just saying them because they are angry or frustrated. Its important that you support each other and work toward healing, healthy relationships, and self-worth. Reading this made me realise that I have estranged myself from my abusive mother (its a bit more complicated you see, because shes dead)..but I have estranged myself from her in my head. Its a teasing, sweet, funny quirk about the women in my family, and something I looked forward to in the few days before my first 29th birthday, a few months before my wedding. Have a look at your local laws, Im betting you have no legal obligation to let her grandparent. Former Commissioned Member of the Texas State Council on Sex Offender Treatment | Lawyer, Gutheinz Law Firm, LLP. It was for me. I have five older siblings, one of whom was physically and sexually abusive towards me. I wish she treated me like her daughter and not a roommate that she hates. Cookie Notice Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief. In addition, consider how some parents show affection in some of the weirdest ways to the point they make us think they do not love us. Is your impression correct? It's getting more clear that my mom favors my (16FtM) sisters (20 and 22) more than me. She never mentioned it directly, but she always told me it was disgusting. This also manifests in the form of setting their children up to fail on purpose, tricking or trapping children in a grey area situations in which they cannot make the right decision without consulting or yielding to their mother. Before my dad died (to whom I was super close he was my champion) my parents basically admitted that I was not the favorite, but rather my deadbeat awful brother (who Im gladly estranged from), and that Id been given the short end of the stick, as they termed it. Theres no shame in getting help when dealing with big feelings. I cringe at the clich you only hurt the ones you love., My mother spent the next ten years trying. My Mom Doesn't Like Me We are strangers that live under the same roof, pass each other in the halls, and say I love you at night and thats fine with her. While they apologized for having treated me this way, it was kind of a wrecking ball on my memories of childhood I hadnt realized this was the case all along, I had always just believed there was something intrinsically wrong with me. Because of the years of ostracizing, I cant talk to them without my anxiety boiling over. But then I noticed them ignoring what I say on the chat or ignoring when I wanna hang out. Im currently in the position of wanting to estrange myself from my mother but not having, well, enough gumption to stand up for myself and voice my issues with our relationship.

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