What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

To think of all the lives that could’ve been saved if they just experimented with a Magic 8-Ball instead. Justin Armstrong, Gerald Crum, Swisyzinna Moore and Eric Window star in The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death.

The Ouija Experiment 2Cast of Characters:
Justin Armstrong – Himself
Danny Grey – Gerald Crum
Michelle Joy – Sally Greenland
The Ghost – Nicole Holt
Drew O’Neal – Ty Larson
Swisyzinna Moore – Herself
Margo White – Shanon Snedden
Elena Cooper – Jessica Willis
Eric Window – Himself
Ty Gibson – Eric Zettina
Sheriff Anderson – Tom Zembrod

Director – Israel Luna
Screenplay – Israel Luna
Producer – Tom Zembrod
Not Rated

Fans of 2011’s The Ouija Experiment are ecstatic as they attend a meet-and-greet session with stars from the film at their local theater. However, the fun quickly turns to terror, while on a haunted tour of the theater, as the guests have unwittingly released an evil spirit that will surely kill them all.

Wait… Did I say unwittingly? I meant to say, they’re told the rules yet they still break them like idiots, so they all have it coming.

A few months back, I reviewed The Ouija Experiment, an extremely low-budget film that managed to get recognition by way of various social media outlets. As a horror film it failed, but as a comedy it was pure gold. It’s not every day an evil spirit from the board gets an opportunity to just kick back and phone in the killings thanks to how easy the low IQ characters make it for them. It’s also easily the first found-footage film I’ve seen that had a flashback sequence within it.

Which I guess is breaking the fifth wall?

Was there really a need for sequel? Sure, why not? I mean, we got seven films about that killer doll and I lost count of how many we got with that creepy looking pin cushion, so how ’bout another Ouija Experiment? Plus, if you fail the first time around, you can always learn from your mistakes with the sequel.

Well, that’s not the case here.

I understand low-budget films have a bigger hill to climb than the bigger budget ones. The smaller films don’t have the luxury of time and money that a lot of the big studio productions enjoy, and there’s many that suffer ’cause of it. Trust me; I got shorts I’ve done in the past that I ain’t ever gonna let see the light day. ‘Cause if they do, they’re gonna quickly wind up on this segment. However, regardless of whether you’re the smallest of the smallest films, or a James Cameron CGI-bloated spectacle, no one has an excuse to not put in any effort.

And when it comes to the production effort here, this film manages to make the first one look like Stanley Kubrick directed it.

So the film opens with three of the original film stars – Justin Armstrong, Swisyzinna Moore and Eric Window – showing up to a jam packed theater of adoring fans…

Okay, whoa! Hold on there!

Packed theater? I’m pretty sure that even at a Star Wars convention, there’s gonna be a few seats left empty, and that’s a billion dollar franchise. So I’m thinking the packed theater, fans scrambling for DVD copies of The Ouija Experiment like crazed lunatics at a Best Buy at the start of Black Friday, and girls going nuts over an autographed boob of theirs from Justin Armstrong like its Beatlemania is a tad far-fetched. Hey, I’m all for a little self-indulgence. If it was my movie, the girls would be scratching and clawing each other over who’s gonna carry my child. But in reality, the introductory screening here would probably more likely resemble the “Jazz Odyssey” scene in This Is Spinal Tap.

Then again, when the theater hosting the screening looks like the auditorium of some small high school out in Podunk, USA, I guess selling out the venue isn’t that difficult.

Now, to writer/director Israel Luna’s credit, he does something different here than just regurgitating the same story over again, going for a meta approach with three of the actors from the first film appearing as themselves at a Q&A screening for The Ouija Experiment that eventually goes horribly wrong for them (a similar approach was taken with Wes Craven’s New Nightmare). Granted, he also does something else different by having the Ouija board take a back seat in a film with “Ouija” in the title. This is pretty much an ill-fated haunted house tour (for all three people that show up to it), and every now and then someone stops and goes, “Hey… is that the Ouija board from the movie?”

Next thing you know, they’re fighting off a low-rent Matthew McConaughey (who commits the biggest villain cliche of them all by talking and talking and talking instead of just killing his victims) and his inbred monster daughter who looks like a Hulkified Grandmama from The Addams Family.

“Hey, y’all. Incest is the best… Alright, alright, alright!”

Of course, like any other cheap horror film we’re gonna get dumb and gullible characters that say and do dumb things. The motley crew presented here sheepishly walk around the theater going, “Hello?”, “Who’s there?”, any time an inhuman growl is heard so many times that a child molester could lure them over without even needing the free candy offer. Seeing these idiots get picked off one by one is inevitable, so why harp on about it? What kamikazes this film into the abyss is just how poorly done it is. I’m not even talking about the cheapo ghost effects which here look like some mist that was probably a dry ice machine they wheeled around the set. From 1-10 on the piss poor production scale, it’s somewhere around a 22. The audio cuts out often, is sometimes out of synch with the visuals, and during some exterior scenes, you’d swear they were filming right next to a jet engine on full blast (Luna would’ve been wise to have watched Birdemic: Shock and Terror beforehand to see how not to capture audio).

Imagine listening to some Coldplay and then suddenly Gorgoroth starts screeching in your ears… Yeah, that’s a fitting description of the sound quality.

Even worse, though, and the tell-tale sign everyone involved was in a hurry to get this wrapped up, are slip-ups from the cast, some of which are so noticeable even Ed Wood would recommend a second take.

I meen mean, misteaks mistakes from yur your cast ar are defenetly definitely guna gonna hapin happen, but too to not even make any atemp attempt two to reedoo redo the seen scene or at leest least cuver cover it up a litel little is just so unprofeshunal unprofessional.

I’ve read some reasons behind this being that the production’s time frame was very minimal. I guess by minimal, they meant the concept was thought up at around 6am, and then the film had to be written, rehearsed, shot, edited and released by 2pm later that day.

If The Ouija Experiment 2: Theatre of Death has anything to be remotely proud of, it’s that it’s a surefire cure for all those around the world that suffer from a severe case of insomnia. The lack of any tension or scares will have you sawing logs in no time. Oddly enough, as unintentionally funny as the film’s glaring mistakes are, this could ironically also cure narcolepsy as well.

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