What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

Them bitches and hoes best not be messin’ with his pot o’ gold. Warwick David, A. T. Montgomery, Rashaan Nall and Ice-T star in Leprechaun: In the Hood.

Leprechaun in the HoodCast of Characters:
Leprechaun – Warwick Davis
Mack Daddy O’Nassas – Ice-T
Postmaster P. Smith – A. T. Montgomery
Stray Bullet – Rashaan Nall
Butch – Red Grant
Post’s Mother – Bebe Drake
Jackie Dee – Dan Martin
Fontaine Rivera – Lobo Sebastian

Director – Rob Spera
Screenplay – Doug Hall & Jon Huffman
Based on characters created by Mark Jones
Producer – Bruce David Eisen, Mike Upton & Darin Spillman

The film opens with Mack Daddy O’Nassas (Ice-T) finding the Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) and stealing his magic flute. Although the Leprechaun is temporarily able to break free from the spell he’s under, Mack Daddy imprisons him again.

20 years later, Mack Daddy, thanks to the flute, has become a hit record producer. Wannabe L.A. rappers Postmaster P. (A.T. Montgomery), Stray Bullet (Rashaan Nall) and Butch (Red Grant) try to get a deal through Mack Daddy, but he turns them down. Wanting to get back at Mack Daddy, the three break into his office and steal the flute, but also unwittingly set the Leprechaun free.

Look at these glittering goods
I’ve got more loot than Tiger Woods

Lep in the hood
Gonna do no good

“Is there pussy in heaven, Post?”

Two (that’s t-w-o, two) people actually got paid – with legit, legally sound, printed money – to come up with that dialogue.

Trimark Pictures (which has since merged with Lions Gate), wanting to keep the engine on their horror franchise that somehow had legs sturdy enough to last four films, decided to give a fresh spin to their pot o’ gold obsessed villain. Nope, can’t put him in space; they already did that with Leprechaun 4: In Space. Where’s the next obvious step to take? Well, it clearly must be throwing him in the projects.

I’m still waiting for Jason XI: Takin’ Down Compton, Mutha Fucka!

You can tell director Rob Spera is whiter than Al Jolson here ’cause this film is one block of government cheese and a deadbeat dad away from having Jesse Jackson picketing outside every video outlet that sells this movie. Now, you should know by now I’m not one of those “Gasp! That’s offensive!” critics, but holy hell, this film sets blacks back so far behind pre-slavery times, it would make the Klan blush. Odd as it may seem, this film actually would’ve come off more culturally sensitive if it was white folk in puffy lipped blackface, shuckin’ and jivin’ and going hambone crazy with jazz hands galore, while they get all uppity to some rousing renditions of “Mammy” tunes.

“Mammy’s little Leppy loves short’nin’ bread!”

Yeah, I never said I intend to win the Nobel Peace Prize any time soon.

You know, I could go on about Lep’s “Zombie Fly Girls”, the impossible amount of applied force it would take a human to kill someone with an afro pick, or the gargantuan amount of PCP the writers were on. However, there’s really only one appropriate way to describe this film…

Come one, come all, boys and girls
Gather round the silver screen
As we watch Warwick Davis, yes, good ole Willow
Fight and struggle for relevancy

We’ve now reached film five, believe it, it’s true
For God’s sakes, view at your own peril
For I think by now they’ve finally found
The very bottom of that scraped barrel

The best performance from this D-list cast
By far is the rapper Ice-T
Misconstrue my words, you might
‘Tis perspective not compliment, you see

‘Tis shit dialogue, the scares don’t scare
The jokes, how flat they do fall
But wait, it gets better, Coolio arrives
For apparently no reason at all

There’s plot holes and trannies, zombie girls, a blind granny
An Irish midget that loves his “bomb” reefer
By the time you see Leprechaun rapping at the end
You might think you’re as high as the writer

Acting so wooden, effects so damn cheesy
And tone so back and forth uneven
But like Lep gives a damn, he’s the “Real OG”
Still getting checks from Harry Potter 1-7

So how bad is this exactly? Well, Jennifer Aniston (whose film career began with the first Leprechaun) didn’t wanna be in the first, second, third, fourth or fifth sequel. That should speak volumes, ’cause although she’s not a bad actress, looking at her track record, she’s still almost as selective as Nicolas Cage.

You only need to pitch him the title page, and he’s in.

Another notch in the lackluster horror series, Leprechaun: In the Hood would mark four sequels and an original film too many, yet the studio still managed to squeeze out another trip Back 2 tha Hood following this film. If you decide to see this anyway – and maybe the finest performance Coolio’s ever given pushes you in that direction – I strongly recommend you stock up on a truck-load’s worth of Frito-Lay products, ’cause there’s a slight chance if you’re stoned enough to taste colors you may thoroughly enjoy this movie.

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